1. The language is not very good and needs lots of edits. I have highlighted phrases that need changing, and I made other edits by crossing out words. Let me know if you have questions. One word that you use far too frequently is "depict", which is not the correct word to use. A better way to write is more direct: "Levi et al (2004) found that…." or "Levi et al (2004) showed that…."
You also tend to use lots of words when fewer would convey the meaning better. For editing, you could try reading each sentence out loud and see if you can hear the problems – any time when you read a sentence out loud and it does not flow or is hard to read means that it is not good language. We can try this together for a paragraph or two on Zoom if that helps.
2. The thesis needs more organization. Right now, it reads like a long list. It needs more structure, more sub-headings – which could be numbered – and more diagrams. I stopped reading at page 16 because it felt like too much of a list, and I could not follow where we were going. 
There is too much information and very few summaries at the beginning or end of a section. Try adding sentences like:
"In the next section, I will review the evidence that metabolism shows 24 hour rhythms…." at the beginning of a section.
"In this section, I have summarized the evidence from wild type and mutant mice that metabolism shows 24 hour rhythms. The combination of RNA and protein analyses clearly shows that….." at the end of a section.
3. I had asked you to include experimental details and not just the results. For example, you should explain the cancer experiments in detail rather than just state the results. You can use some of the data from the papers as long as you acknowledge the source carefully and also as long as the data is a high quality image. Or make your own images! 30 pages of black and white text with no white space and one small image is too monotonous.
4. Introduce the circadian clock more precisely. This is fairly straightforward and needs to be done at the beginning so that we know what Cry mutants etc. are when you mention them later on.

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