Discussion Response using statistical information about the effects on children. No sources can be used before 2015
Dear Allen,
I cannot begin to imagine the pain and suffering that you and Kevin have been experiencing over the past two years. The loss of a loved one, especially when it is your wife and the mother of your son, has got to be unbearable. My deepest condolences and love continue to pour to you and Kevin. But do not worry, there are plenty of opportunities available to you and Kevin to help you accept and adjust to life without forgetting Mary.
I understand that Kevin has not been himself for some time now. Understand that this behavior is normal after such a traumatic loss. Kevin is sorting out how to deal with this unfamiliar emotion just as you are. I would suggest that you research and find a family therapist that specializes in grief counseling and perhaps schedule appointments for dual and separate counseling. I am confident that these sessions will dramatically help you and Kevin. Grief is excruciating and can lead to other pressing issues such as depression and suicide. I mention this not to scare you but to have you aware of what could be possible, especially when it comes to Kevin’s wellbeing.
Also, the dynamic of your family has changed, and you are a single father trying to adapt to an entirely new world on your own. I think it is beneficial that you have your mother and stepfather available to help you when needed. However, they should not be your go-to in every situation. I suggest you research information on being a single father. You can find information and support groups at fatherly.com. These are groups that can provide invaluable advice and guidance to assist you and Kevin on your new path. In addition to Fatherly.com for you, there is a site by the National Alliance for Grieving Children at childrengrieve.org, that Kevin might want to visit if he has not found it already. Sit down with him and show him the site and navigate to the areas to which he requires. The site has it categorized by states which can connect him to other kids who have suffered the same loss. In doing so, he will realize that he is not the only one experiencing this unbearable pain and that he has others who understand what he is going through and will help him cope with the loss.
Finally, I also suggest that you have Kevin taken to get a physical by the pediatrician. Express your concerns and behaviors that you have noted. They can and will conduct tests to see if Kevin is suffering from anything out of the norm. I think it is best to eliminate any medical concerns before proceeding with my other suggestions first. His health is of the utmost importance, as is your own.
Allen, I cannot imagine walking in your shoes over that past two years. You have the strength that I am not sure I have. Use that strength to ensure Kevin does not forget the memories of his mother, and to ensure the continued success of your child. Ensure Kevin that his mother is still present and still has expectations for him to be the child he was before her passing. Each child wants to make their parents proud. Perhaps suggest that you and he write his mother separate letters from time to time. That may help him express his feelings of missing her and loving her. It will help him cope if not heal. Collect the letters to read a later date when he is older to recall the love and memories shared.
Remember, you and Kevin are not alone and that these unfortunate situations happen more often than they should. There are numerous groups out there that can assist in these difficult times. Most importantly, you have my family here to help support you and Kevin in whatever way we can. Also, you have an entire community that cares and is willing to help in any way they can. Utilize the tools and groups that are available to you to better the lives of both of you. You cannot get through grief alone, and it takes assistance and love.
Part 2
Organizations within our area that can assist Allen and Kevin in the loss of a wife and mother.
Through the National Alliance for Grieving Children
– Point of Hope Children’s Bereavement Services
Capital Caring
703-538-2065
Contact: Tara Hoit at [email protected]
https://www.capitalcaring.org/campaigns/point-of-hope/
The organization offers free one to one grief counseling, in-school grief support clubs, grief camps, as well as many other useful services that will benefit Kevin.
– Calvert Hospice
Burnett Calvert Hospice House
4559 Sixes Road, Prince Frederick
Contact: Tessa Washington at 410-535-0892
The organization offers a number of grief support programs for children and spousal loss.
References
Calvert Hospice. (2019, October 16). Grief Support Programs. Retrieved November 13, 2019, from https://calverthospice.org/grief-support-programs/.
Gunner, S. (n.d.). National Allience For Grieving Children. Retrieved November 13, 2019, from https://childrengrieve.org/find-support/9-find-support/117-programs-in-the-district-of-columbia-washington-d-c.
Krisch, J. A. (2019, November 11). Losing a Parent Changes Us Forever. There’s Proof. Retrieved November 13, 2019, from https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/parent-death-psychological-physical-effects/.
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